I tend to steer clear of the term “self-care”, because it seems to be frequently co-opted by well-resourced others to describe a spa day, a weekend retreat, or a decadent brunch with friends. Don’t get me wrong - those are amazing experiences! And it is a view of self-care which sets a certain expectation for defining self-care that is simply unattainable for most folks who do not have the time or financial resources to engage in these activities.
So what does self-care look like for the rest of us??
An overworked single mom friend of mine once asked if it was ok for her side job as a ride-share driver to be her “self-care”, because she found a lot of relief and release during those moments between pick-ups when she could crank up her music, sing, and, when needed, scream!
Does it help you get back to your baseline? Then, YES!
Self-care is not a formula, but simply the thing that helps you to feel balanced and in control of your feelings. Balance, in this context, refers to our ability to thoughtfully respond to what life throws at us in a way that feels aligned with who we want to be in the world.
Imagine a tall, sturdy tree. As a sudden strong wind comes through, the tree sways - sometimes just slightly and sometimes much more - before settling back in its place. The wind might be expected or sudden, constant or brief, but the tree just moves from side to side, and then… returns home.
As humans, it is incredibly difficult for us to “sway”. We are much more likely to crack, break, explode, or melt. If we will allow that this feeling, this stress, this moment, will pass (and, this is important: take the steps to move forward), we are much more likely to simply sway, acknowledge our feelings, and return to our sturdy self.
What does self-care have to do with this swaying tree? Self-care is the thing that helps you to feel balanced and in control of your feelings. Self-care is the thing that lets you sway.
The author of this New York Times parenting article discovered new and different ways to engage in self-care amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. How are you cultivating BALANCE in your life?